I’m dead to my old friend. At one point we were so close, but then my mom wouldn’t let me text her anymore cause I was always on my device. The last thing I said was I was going on a flight. A year later was allowed to chat again. And my fault I started talking like normal, I tried apologizing. I’m not good with social cues. I messed up. She no longer wants to talk to me. It’s been 4 years and recently I was playing an old game we used to play together, today she joined me. With another friend, of course the selfish awkward person I am, I pretend I’m afk. They said stuff that actually made me feel bad. I know I’m not a good person, I know I can’t help anyone, or apologize correctly. Like right now I’m just stupidly ranting for something that’s not even dramatic. But it’s just got to me, the loneliness, I have no friends. Nobody sees me as someone important in their lives. I get ignored in school, when I volunteer, everywhere. And I can’t stop hating myself. I’m a coward to hurt myself.