i wish to even connect with someone at the bare minimum. i try to be the best person i can with good grades and respectful manners but nobody cares. All my "friends" have thier own people and I'm the afterthought. Even with my own dad i always have to compensate my time and effort. Sitting alone an hour after school and listening to his long vents about his useless girlfriend. I'm so empty and so desperate that I get mad at myself. Every peak of salvation I tumble down again. I hate my old self for absolutely humiliating me and ruining my social life. My only best friend is suicidal i have no idea what to do i feel useless. All my friendships i treasure feel like they're slipping like sand off my fingertips. And I used to be such a creep. Obsessing over guys that could never love be back at all. I hate being the gay skinny white boy with no accolades. Or no one cares to notice. I am doing my best, getting the highest grades and I'm left to wait for the award of my future.