im 19. i've been with my boyfriend since i was 14 and we plan to break up because we talked about how im trans and he doesn't like that. we don't know when we're breaking up we just act like everything is fine. i smoke every day to numb my mind and im addicted and have been for years now. i have very bad memory loss. that started because of the depression, not the smoking, but it definitely made it worse. i left all my friends and i don't remember what it was like to be with them. i don't remember my childhood, time at school, happiest memories, first times, nothing really unless i have a picture of it. i got kicked out of school and before that i stayed back. i used to be the smartest kid in my grade, then i started to fail the easiest classes. i only went to make friends and smoke. i don't have a job and never had one. im not reliable at all. i steal my family's money for weed. my mom is disabled, grandma is narcissistic, and my father left and went to prison.