im having a really bad drug and alcohol addiction problem for the first time in years. never would i ever thought it’d start again/get so bad again. i had my moments of wanting to relapse but when it happened it just… happened. it started up around maybe may of this year. my boyfriend is asleep rn, across from me and i cannot help but want to cry and sob and beg him to hold me — he knows about my problem as he occasionally does as well but he is more of a “party” user if that makes sense — but holy shit. tonight was the first night i didn’t really do anything but im staying up, wanting to get alcohol and indulge in something else as well. i hate it. i hate who its making me become. but the feeling when everything just feels light makes up for it. i hate it so so so bad. i want him to hold me so i dont go but my body is aching for anything else too