My dad was a manly man. Like, really tall, bald, drank whiskey and smoked cigars, president of a bikers gang, really strong and was also super smart. I always had him in this light of like super cool guy, and he was. Maybe he wasn't the best guy, according to what I heard, but he always treated me nicely, and I both loved him and respected him. 3 years ago, when i was 16, he was 66 and his body was bad, years of smoking and drinking caught up to him, even if he tried to take more care during the last years. One day, he went into a coma and then died. I don't know where he is right now, but I'm scared, scared he's watching his son and is ashamed of me. Of how weak and dumb I am, or how despite my best tries, no girl is very interested in me. I wanna aim to be somewhat like him, but the way I am and how I'm handling things right now, I'm not sure what he would say.