Just leave me to rot. I'm not allowed to be happy and I'm not allowed to die. Anything that has kept here for so long seems out of reach. I'm jaded by hope. The only expectations I have for myself are to do everything perfectly or die to escape the pain. I'm such a coward but I feel so empty as a person, that I don't understand why I would fight. I want to give up, give way to the exhaustion. I want to stop crying and begging and shaking for once. I want anything close to peace, anything close to nothing. I want to forget about my life, who I am. I just wanna sink into a sleep that is just death. I don't want to care, only to feel emotionally pulled apart in a thousand directions, tortured by hope and disappointment.