one of the things that's hurting me the most is the constant anxiety and grief I feel when I think about the possibility of going through my entire life without ever receiving the emotional support, comfort, and closeness I desperately want from my mom. The thought of potentially dying without ever experiencing that kind of maternal love genuinely terrifies me. It's something I think about repeatedly, and it feels like it's eating away at me day by day. I don't just want a mother who provides for me; I want a mother I can emotionally lean on, feel safe with, be vulnerable around, and receive comfort from. I feel like I'm grieving a relationship that I still have, but don't feel like I truly get to experience. Being a non-religious only child has truly fucked me.