Nothing I do is fucking real, I don't even know what I am anymore Jesus Christ. I swear I don't have an identity at all, I am simply a locomotive in 190 pounds of flesh, fat and bones. I hate it so much, my way of coping with it is going online and finding musical artists and content creators to "fan" but in reality, I am just artificially forcing my identity because I have none. Everything I do is to either impress others or seem more interesting. Am I actually interesting as a person? No, because I don't fucking do anything when I get home. I tried picking up drawing but I realized the only reason I wanted to was because it adds to my personality. I am the least authentic person ever, I can't even form my own opinions, I always feel sorry for myself. I can only sleep or scroll on my phone, because I can't and won't do jackshit. What happened to my true desire to do things in life? I used to be able to actually want something but now, I just rot like a cold pathetic lump of coal.