i wish i wasnt fucking broke or better yet i wish medical care didnt cost fucking money in this country because something just isnt right but i cant say or prove that without a diagnosis or else i'll have some loon in my ear screaming at me to stop larping disability or whatever. i wish it wasnt intermittent, too. it comes and goes and that makes me feel worse because its like i'm faking because isnt something supposed to be happening 24/7....??? not just every few weeks?? even if being at my worst makes it hard to live, i'd prefer always being at my worst than more often being at my best because at least then i can say i deserve to use a cane and its not just somatic. there are times where i can stand for hours and other times where i cant even wait in line at taco bell and i wish it'd just be consistent. but to be honest i'd probably be misdiagnosed anyways. poc, afab, queer, mentally ill, trans... i'm just fucked forever, i guess.