someone left me a message 5 days ago on a 2 weeks old post and I'm hoping they'll read this one too. thank you for your words, they were of great help when I was desperate and falling into self hatred and helplessness. things got better, I started talking with my uni friend again. somehow things are almost the same. well, I hope they are. I've seeked help from the university's therapist at the beginning of october and they finally got in touch with me. I'm doing a lot better and I hope I'll keep going like this. once again, thank you for making me feel that I matter and making me realise that I shouldn't read too much into such things. You're right, I'll never understand in the slightest what people think about me and that is freeing because I would go insane if I ever knew. thank you, I wish you the best, I hope you'll encounter along the way kindness, just like the one you showed me. take care.