Being an adult and self-harming feels so juvenile. I am nineteen, I had been clean for two years (between 17 and up until a few months ago) and this recent backslide has made me feel like a child. I feel unable to control myself, unable to defeat the base instinct of wanting to feel pain. Everything is wrong and nobody really knows, because nobody thinks to ask. I am a very put-together individual with a lot of friends and a loving partner. I don't know why that isn't enough to make living seem worthwhile. My own selfishness just makes it worse. I hate the summertime because people can see my scars. Now they can see fresher ones. I have considered getting tattoos to cover some of them up, but then where will I cut? I hate this. I feel so alone.