im turning 22 soon. and all it feels like is a reminder of when i was groomed at 14. ive grown up. i wonder what He thinks of my age now. hell be 27 this year, pushing 30. i feel like im not even really an adult, and im not enjoying my 20s, not how i was told to be. nobody likes me. nobody want to hangout with me. it makes me miss Him and that makes me sick. sometimes i want him so bad it hurts which is so fucked. but its like he left this permanent mark on me. he tainted me, ill never be me. ill never be anything. it feels like a part of me will always be his. im not a person anymore. im a thing. im rotten. but he gets to live on, no consequences. none of these awful feelings. he gets to be himself, move on and live. and he doesnt care about me, not one bit. which hurts more then all the other things. i want him to suffer with me, to hurt the way i do. i want to haunt him everyday. i hope i do. i hope everyday is hard for him because he cant shake the memory of me.