I don't understand the person I'm becoming. I know I'm a guy, I know I am, but I bleed from between my legs and I gag when I look in the mirror. Everyone tells me how pretty I am, but I don't want to be pretty. I want to be handsome and loved for who I am but it doesn't feel possible. I can't sleep, I eat too much, my stomach is weak, I try not to eat, then I throw up. I want to be strong. I want to get better. I don't know how to do that. I feel horrible all the time. I don't feel healthy at all and I really just want the pain to end.