Idk if I’m depressed but I feel so emotionless and it’s been happening for so long I js lose my memories now of my life and everything it’s the worst bc I can’t remember meaningful memories and I forget my emotions and if I’ve been feeling “depressed” for 5 years or since last week or the past few months,I can’t even recognise myself I don’t know who I am anymore, and even though I feel so empty and emotionless I still cry every damn day.I can’t even have a shower brush my hair or brush my teeth , clean, I feel so disgusting and I keep isolating my self like being alone feels better and I even want to cut of my family so bad,I love them.feel like I deserve it all And that my pain isn’t real and if it was someone else it would be but bc I hate myself sm it isn’t I hate these circles I keep spinning in I can never escape this.I sh a lot and I’ve told myself i have to kms my the end of this year bc everyone would be happier.And the thing is I want more pain so I can validate my emotions.