Just had a very sad talk with loml. The reality of our world and our whole lives is that we will struggle forever. This country, the patriarchy, everything is controlling how screwed we are and it just keeps getting worse. Even after us, when we die and it’s the next generation, it’ll be even worse. Sometimes, I wonder what I could’ve done in my early years to change things. I think back, and wonder if I knew what I know now, would it change anything? Probably. Probably not. But who knows? Just always chasing the next paycheck, always finding ways to let go of everything just to be able to survive. There are no pleasures anymore. I’ve sold everything and anything I can. All I have left is my computer which I’ll probably sell. And after that, I’m screwed. Might open a credit card. There’s no hope. I feel so utterly lost. All I can do is cry. Cry and cry. The worst part is I don’t even want to be rich. I just wanna live, and eat, and go to sleep in a bed. I don’t think it’ll happen..