im pathetic and it's like the only way to fix myself is to kill myself. for the past 4-5 months, its like nothing went right. year long situationship ended, failing all my uni classes, isolating myself because all i want to do is be alone, and trying to battle with my terrible mental health. truly, i want to die. i want the self-hating thoughts to finally stop. the only thing keeping me is the fear of dying and not wanting to leave my parents alone. ive gotten to a point where ive stopped trying, and its hard for me to start again. when i try to study, i fail incredibly. when i try to be 'back to my old self' with my friends, i feel weird. i now just isolate myself and do whatever can keep my dopamine up. im sick of being alive like this. i wish things were different--i wish i was different. im christian, but i struggle to read my bible and keep falling into the same sins. i feel like im just irredeemable. i want to kill myself to be changed in heaven, but im too scared to even die