I want my family to suffer. I want them to hurt. I don't understand why it's a big deal when anybody else is suffering. When I'm alone, abandoned, being taken advantage of I'm a fucking loser. I'm unimportant. I'm supposed to have sympathy for siblings who couldn't look out for me in a way that actually fucking mattered. The adults in my life helped perpetuate it. Instead of being seen as a kid that had issues, a lack of actual parenting, it's me. I'm a fucking idiot and a loser. "You know they actually cared about you, your childhood wasn't so bad, what's wrong with you" fuck you and die. I hate that everybody is moving on. Anything that could possibly come up would be considered a hindrance to whatever it is they want. "It's just drama" die. It wasn't just drama to me. I was lured by a grown ass man, groomed for a year, all because I was missing genuine human connection. I thought that's what connection was supposed to be. There were signs and they were ignored. I'm a shitty person.