i feel like im selfish or cruel. i dont try to be. i try to be nice and kind and helpful. i hate my life. im useless really. honestly would be best if i was gone. im lazy, stupid. just awful. my brain works against me. it makes me say things or im stubborn. super stubborn. i prob have autism or something idk my brain doesnt like certain things so it annoys me. and im irritated all the fucking time. so when someone gets on my back about something it feels ten times worse. i get annoyed when people ignore me, or easily forget what ive said. it makes me feel even more useless. like no one wants to listen to me, no one wants to actually hear me. so what is the point? i feel like dying. i wish i had cancer so i could die. im too much of a coward to kill myself. i hate that too. im scared of pain or fucking it up. i just wish someone could come and kill me in my sleep. i dont want to feel pain. but i cant live like this anymore.