Life is strange, painful to the point you can only laugh to the circumstance. I admit, I do like to have control over something, even to just little things and to some parts of my life. But life crushes it, all I can do is to endure and fight back. I wonder what it feels like to fight against fate, or is there fate at all? Is life is all about solving some shadow thing in our lives in order to control it. To think about it, I don't know if I wanted even to get married, I am scared of it. My mother got married at 35 and had my brother and I before her menopause. With that example, I think my body can also handle that, marry later after I have stability on my own. I have 11 more years to figure this out, fix and refine my life to the point that I have the confidence to choose someone to become my husband.