I genuinely wish I could be on government assistance, I just want to starve myself all day, every day. Having an ED and a full time manager job is so exhausting, i genuinely don’t care about my work these days but can’t afford to lose the job or I’ll be homeless. I wish someone would hit me with their car or something so I had a reason to be on government assistance while I just stay at home and waste away. I just want to be home and do drugs and drink, I feel nothing these days and having to lead a big team of people way older than me is nothing but a burden at this point in my life. Work is triggering, home is triggering, the ward is a fake illusion of peace that I’ll be ripped from. It’s like the only way to actually slow down and enjoy life is to become disabled. I’m probably going to get fired soon and lose the best job I’ve ever had but at this point idk what else to do.