everythings going wrong. the october canon event finally happened. i am not satisfied with my grades at all, for finals. i know i did not try as hard and put in as much effort for all 3 exams and that is completely my fault but im just a burnt out kid with expectations to live up to. i got the scholarship last year. my finals just ended last week. i received 2 results with high expectations last week and for the entire day i tried to not cry. tears welled up in my eyes and begged for release, while i held them captive for the entire school day and finally let them out at night. i dont think anyone will actually understand this and its not their fault - we are just complex human beings. today, shit happened. out of everyone who brought phones, mine got caught and i got a punishment. this means that i am ineligble for the scholarship, completely shutting off the last flick of hope that i had. i am a disappointment, i failed. i am sorry. i am trying my best, too to keep it all together