iii dont even jnow whats wrong with me. i just feel kinda of like. Empty. ina way. like i dont . Care if im going to die anymore. i used to have suicidal thoughts but i would never act on them because im afraid of dying but now i just. dont think i care if i die or not. id be willing to die in like.. any way. painless, painful.... idk. but ik i cant bc my friends care about me and i dont know what to do. its not getting better, and its just getting worse. im also addicted to pills? i think. idk. ill take like over 8 benadryl each mornjng before school because it makes me feel nothing and i enjoy it. idk if that counts as an addiction. im afraid im just faking it all. i really hope not. i wish all of my feelings could just go away. i wish i could feel nothing at all. just... exist as an empty body on earth.