all my life, I've chosen my friends very poorly. they didn't like me and made sure to make remarks that scarred me. every single time I stayed and made up excuses for them. I've dropped them long ago. but I met M in a class in college one year ago. we hit it off rlly well at the beginning. then things started getting difficult. I went to visit her this summer and after I returned home I got ghosted. I just thought she was busy. I tried to talk to her a few times. now college started and today she told me that ever since college restarted, I keep repeating the same stories and phrases. I just liked telling how I spent time with our other friend and kept talking about her cat and how I'm a bit worried she's skinny (the cat is fine and eats 3 times a day). M told me that if I worried as much for people as I worry for cats, I would get far in life. I've started thinking about sh again. whenever I'm reminded of the past, I wish to demonstrate I'm the only one who can cause myself harm.