I can’t fucking do it. The anxiety and OCD eats away at me every waking second. It’s not life it’s hell. Too much of coward to blow my fucking brains out so when I can’t take it I drink and pull the trigger on my unloaded gun just to hear the stupid click. I’m only here out of spite, and fear of saddling the people I love with my death. Even if I graduate I’ll be stuck at a meaningless job for 40 years until my heart can’t take it and bursts in my chest, my liver fails and I die a drunkards death, or my lungs fill with fluid and I choke on my own fucking sputum. There’s no god and you are all morons, you’ve built a system that leaves the vulnerable to die, and capitalism will urinate on everything you claim to find sacred. Despite all this I love humanity more than words can express, and it makes my pathetic existence all the more painful.