I hate dealing with years of abuse and being trapped by my mother with no way out besides death it seems. It's never taken seriously by people who can actually do something about it and I'm punished for being torn apart so badly by it because my emotions are belittled time and time again because I'm not allowed to feel pain because I'm forced to focus exclusively on everyone else. I feel like a slave to other's emotions and when I want escape through these things I'm time and time again met with "What about me and what I want?" I'm tired of it. I hate that typing this in a place like this is my only means of saying it because no matter what I'm made to shut up otherwise because if I'm frustrated if I express it I will be punished. My mother gets away with it and I know it doesn't matter if I die unless someone can make it about what they want. I can barely remember myself anymore. Only the fact I exist forced to be this way and tortured for wanting out or showing defiance.