i love my girlfriend and friends, really, but i sometimes feel like they dont really care about me, or that they would be much better without me. most of the time i just feel like a burden, im not special at anything, i cant even talk to other people anywhere (including online) without panicking. im stressed, i hate school, i hate expectations, i hate that i cant even look in the fucking mirror without getting disgusted. i fucking hate my mom, and i hate myself for doing it. i hate always being expected and forced to be the perfect girl and student, i hate my body, i hate being seen, but i hate being ignored. i hate having separation anxiety, and i hate that people often mess with it or straight up ignore me just for a "joke". i wanna kill myself, i hate the life i was born in, i hate how unfair it can be. would it even fucking matter if i just disappeared? would they even care, would that be the only way for them to look at me, cry and understand what happens to me?