I don't just FEEL like an awful person. I know I am. I say and do terrible things and I regret them so much, but I don't understand why I can't change. I apply so much effort at first and I make promises to people not to continue. And then I just do it again. It just keeps getting worse and worse and I hate it. I hate how I treat people but I never get any better. I get cold, I give myself pity, I lie, I do what I want without registering how it'll make other people feel. I hate it so much. How do I make it stop