i used to be so depressed out of my own self pity. insecure thoughts of myself not being worthy or how i felt i was a burden, not good enough or not deserving. in fact, i see that in many of these rants. it feels heavy and raunchy, a very specific type of inner depression. well, i grew past that depression. i know myself now and healed many insecurities, i’ve matured and moved on in many ways. i do not think negatively about myself anymore, no more self pity, no more depression… right? For a months i felt like i beat it, maybe almost a whole year i didn’t feel like i was wallowing in self hatred but something stirred up again. i’m not insecure, i like myself. I just can’t stir past the underlying ache that keeps my eyes glazed over. how can i love everything about where i’m at in life and feel so thankful yet still think about preferring death over it? “life is what you make it”… how ironic. we have to make it something else bc in reality the society we created is CRUEL & we know it!