lowkey i feel so cooked. i can't trust my own judgement nor do I know who to ask. I don't know myself or the extent to which I *am*. I can't... tell if I'm just like this or if I've been taught or not taught or what. I don't know how to change. I don't know how to find myself. I'm so confused. I started a job and honestly I am just waiting to get fired. I can't do anything right. I'm always getting scolded for something. I'm too slow. I don't know where everything is. I don't know anyone so I'm sometimes too scared to ask. I don't talk much even though it's a job where I have to talk to people so I have to force myself to be loud and bubbly and I...suck so bad. I can't control my face either, which is worse and makes me look mean. I think I am just mean and awful. I am not meant to be here so I am just waiting for November for them to fire me. Or whenever I guess. My life sucks and not in a unique way. It's just..lame. Nothing happens. And I have nothing and no one. Hopefully it'll end