i just lost my virginity and now im feeling very grossed with myself and also getting some pregnancy scares dispite my partner wearing protection, but i took it off to perform oral. I just feel very upset with myself now. I mean it's not like my partner was rough, he was gentle and stopped when i told him to and gave me aftercare. but the thing is that the last time we did oral i got a pregnancy scare a week later and texted him about it. my parents accidentally saw the chats and forced me to cut all ties with him which broke me so badly to do so. Ofc i didn't listen and went on. I felt really guilty doing so, but i've been alone with no friends in highschool for so long already i just couldnt bear leaving the only person i could truly be myself around. i always feel so jealous of the girls around me, theyre all living their best life and doing everything freely without constantly getting micro managed by their parents.