i don't even know where to start. i don't want to be alive most of the time. i don't even want to breathe. i hate myself so much. i miss my husband, but he's gone for work and can't call. my friends feel like strangers. i don't know who i am. everything feels wrong and dangerous. i can't sleep at night, and i end up sleeping the day away. the show i was watching lost my attention. i'm scared i won't make it to see my favorite band live for the first time. everything hurts. i'm not good enough. i'm too much. i try everyday to be better, but it doesn't work. i don't want to be here. no one wants me here. i'm losing it.