tw// A year ago, I had a hookup with a best friend, and they accused me of sexual assault afterwards. I was confronted by my friends - I explained the situation and they understood and took my side and cut her off. It's like a tumor. I didn't do it, I don't think I did it, it was completely consensual from my point of view. She had proposed it, and enthusiastically encouraged we do it. I constantly asked if we should keep going, and when she didn't - I immediately stopped. But she'd also been drinking before I came over. I don't drink, I didn't see the signs, I stay away from alcohol. Nobody talks to her anymore, she'd been known to have behavioral issues, but she implored I trust her our whole friendship. I feel like a rapist, each time I explain this I think 'a rapist would say that'. Am I one of them? I'm raised by my mother, and my sister looks up to me. Am I the reason they don't walk alone at night? Who am I to write this, do I want sympathy? Do I want my friends to doubt me?