i was sexually assaulted when i was 4 by a family friend and it deeply effected me up until 12 or 13 i remember i used to touch myself there and i would stop because all i could think about was that man touching me there every time. i was never taught that it was wrong for a older man to touch me there so i never told anyone. i did tell my sister when i was in middle school but nothing can be done about it now. hes still a member of the community and i hate seeing him. ik i need therapy but i feel like every time i open up i just cant stop crying and its so awkward. i grew up in a family and i feel like im never valid like it was always my fault and sometimes im still in that mentally. im 22 now i dont think about the assault often but it still kinda comes up in my head when i touch the places he did. like it feels like i shouldnt be touching there. ik my parents would never believe me and this man will continue living his life. i never really wish for someone dead but i wish he dies