I just don't know what to do anymore. My entire life has been an endless cycle of things being awful, getting a bit better, then losing everything. Nothing I do ever seems to fix it, nothing ever gets better, in fact everything has just gotten worse and worse. I want to die all the time, I just can't handle being alive. I suck at everything, I'm a drain on the people I love, and what little happiness we found this last year is starting to collapse the exact same way it's done before, and even seeing the train crash coming I can't see any way to avoid or stop it. I just want everything to stop being awful, I want my life to stop collapsing every time I get a bit on my feet. I want to stop being miserable all the time. The only reason I'm even still here is my son, and sometimes I wish he wasn't here so I could just end it without feeling guilty. I'm trying so hard, and no matter how good my best is it never seems to be enough. I'm just so tired.