i have this one really good friend that i love, and she's probably the closest person i have to a best friend. we have our differences, im lgbtq, and shes very christian and doesn't like that stuff, and sometimes i feel like she just wants me there for her even though she says she cares for me. i want to talk to someone, i really do. i just don't know who to talk to. i want to talk to her but i don't know if it'll make a difference. she's just so much better than me in our sport, she passed me, and i'm really proud of her, but i feel left behind. i don't resent her for it anymore, but sometimes i feel really jealous and disappointed in myself for not trying harder; because i don't know how to. i just don't think she'll get me. she'll get why i'm feeling suicidal, because she's going through it a bit too, but she doesn't get me. i don't know who else to talk to. i'm not even her best friend. she gets along better with other people than me. i just want to talk to someone.