My mental health is at a low again; I don't want to be sent back to the mental hospital against my will, but I can't think of my future anymore. Not my dream job, not what I'm going to college for; I just keep screwing things up for myself, my family, and my friends. A few weeks ago, I was self sabotaging (due to BPD), only recently did it hit me what I was doing and how it could affect my grade. I've been so stressed from all my classes that it's physically making me sick and throw up. Every day, I can't find a reason tk go on; I'm scared that everything I do is for nothing, that I'll be another statistic in the world, that I'll fail college and lose my scholarship, that my family and friends truly hate me, I just want to stop the suffering already.