My abusive ex got with a pedophile after she said she'd get better. Her excuse was she thought she deserved it. She came back to me realizing the grass wasnt greener at all and wanted to try loving me for real. After i worked so hard to keep our relationship stable and happy. Now she wants to? After doing that for months with someone else? I couldnt even fathom how sickened i was. I used her for a few months then she broke up because it got to the point i became abusive. I wanted to leave. Part of me loved her. Knowing I couldnt i said something atrocious to finally get her to be gone for good. Now i have the conscious a pedophile lives near me and did that shit and my ex doesnt care about the suffering shes caused me. I just want to die. Everytime I see the suicide hotline it makes me angry. I just want a way out. I dont have food. I dont have money. No car and soon, no house. Sometimes death is better.