its just all unfair. and i still got attacked and robbed of my own spirit, just for surviving, and because i was productive during my survival. its like people hated that i tried to smile through it all. id been surviving for so long the entire concept of misery loves company feels so foreign to me. the amount of subconscious coping mechanisms ive had since i was a tiny child all the way up until now is just absurd, and im proud of my brain and self for somehow doing all of that. but jesus christ. if only people knew just how bad things really always were. i wonder if i would have been treated better by some when it came to certain parts of life or topics or interests. i wonder how some people can be so easily ready to make their ego their biggest priority. im left speechless. its not a question of asking life itself 'was i not good enough' its more about understanding just how vein and shallow people really, truly are. fuck them.