People will be cruel to you, they'll treat you sadistically anyway. Taking my own life because I hurt someone instead of letting someone who's kind give them the benefit. Give the thing that I hurt the benefit. It's petty. I am petty and I'm prideful. I don't want to suffer for a genuinely decent person's happiness. I don't want to be deprived for their benefit. I hate smiles. I hate laughter. I hate everything I'm too weak and sick to feel and I want to die in that hole. In that carnival. I'll probably hurt her more and she trusts me. Sick, sick, sick.