Man, I just wanna die. I have a okayish life Other than being queer and agnostic in a homophobic religious household with my parents being slightly sexist , my life is amazing, I'm privileged, very at that. But I just don't wanna exist. I wish I were a boy. But even if I were one, I know this emptiness would never go away. This feeling of constant grief. I don't even know what's causing this grief. I'm always sad. This started when I was about 9. I gained ALOT of weight. I became lazier. I had sleeping problems. Suicidal thoughts. Self harm. I'm now 12, Sleeping problems ain't that bad now But self harm , suicidal thoughts,weight and laziness became worse. Hell, I just wanna rot in bed. I wanna die so bad. I can't even cry, if I'm sad I just wanna throw up. Tbh , my dumb overweight ahh used to fake muscle pain to take pills and my mom would tell me 2 a day but instead of that I'd take 3-4 at one time for many days thinkin I'd die but I'm overweight and obv failed.