i think somethings wrong with me, I have convinced myself that I'm mentally doing well but some nights i don't pray on purpose hoping something bad happens to me during my sleep, why do I increase my medicine dosage hoping that it will be enough to die. I feel unsafe holding a knife or blade because the desire to start cutting is so strong. Whenever im in a vehicle my mind plays out an accident and i get some sense of satisfaction like WTH is wrong with me, help ! I DONT LIKE LIVING LIKE THIS