I cant help but feel frustrated because of our life. I dont like that we struggle, i dont like what our family went through. I hated how toxic the household i grew up with. How abuse became normalized. I hated that verbal abused is normalized. I hated that my mom had to endure all pf it from my father up until now. So back when it was pandemic theres something bad happened. My father hurt my mother physically and it led to the point where we have to choose who. And like my fathers relative tolerated it and brainwashed me since im only a kid to choose my father. I ended up choosing bim leaving my mother behind. Though it did not take long for my mother and father to get back together. I cant help but blame myself, i felt like i was the reason why my mom is suffering up until now. If only i didn't let myself get brainwashed then my mother wouldn't be here today putting up with my father just to be with us. I regret that decision. So much.