i used to worry about my future, i mean i still do, but i know at this rate that its going to be nothing that i want it to be like. i was born a woman, ill die one. im not trans, its just that i cant stand being this way anymore. i grew up unfortunately with my brother and his friends, so i feel a sense of not belonging with my current friends, because i only know my brothers humor. but now i feel distant from them too, because im a girl. i dont want to be like a sister anymore, rather, i want to be a friend. an equal, but i guess its not happening. its not just about the way i was made, i also just feel so lost. like my rage and anger are wearing away, and im losing my passion. whenever i have free time anymore, i dont know what to do. i have no messages on my phone when i wake up, i have no new notifications. but now i dont feel like talking to anyone either. im lost. im really lost. i love science, it made me alive, but i feel like im not giving enough for it anymore.