I think my girlfriend is ignoring me. I texted her days ago, no response. Maybe it's my fault. We never call unless I'm with someone else. I wanna hear her voice. She said she misses falling asleep on call with someone. We've never done that. I want to. I love her. But do I really? I don't know. On one hand she was one of my best friends. On the other, my feelings have been so fucking weird all the time. I don't. It. My fucking emotions feel like a physical sensation in my chest and like a shocking absence at the same time. Emotion is so fucking complicated. I hate being a person. Do person things like feeling is too much effort. Breathing feels bad. I can feel the way my chest moves and I don't like it. It shouldnt do that. I can Feel my pulse sometimes and I Hate it. hate hate hate. Feeling my tongue in my mouth is gross and bad. Feeling is bad. Emotional, physical. Both bad. Bad bad bad. I wanna just curl up in a dark room with white noise and no need to move at all, even breathing.