Im too much of a coward to cut myself. I don't want to spend extra money or have nobody knowing what happened if I were to get an infection from cutting I currently just slice at my thighs with a sharpened hairbrush handle, its sharp enough to leave marks but not enough to scar. I'm so fucking mad that it won't scar. It feels so exhilarating in the moment but once the markings fade I get irritated again. When I was very little I'd scratch myself raw and sprinkle salt on the wound. I don't know why I was doing that when I was little but it ultimately left a scar on my hand. I've thought about doing the same to my thighs just so I can have something physical to proof that I hurt myself. I also want to be able to run my hands through it one day and feel the scar there to proof that it's real and that it happened