sometimes i wonder why my life can't ever amount to anything. people tell me i'm smart and have a bright future but i can't find it in me to work towards it. i have an audition tomorrow for a group that i really want to be apart of but i haven't been able to bring myself to practice for it. there's always next year. it doesn't really feel like the top of my worries right not. i just found out my cat has a heart murmur. she kept me alive through a period of great depression and i don't know what i will do if it turns out to be serious. checking to see the severity will cost a lot of money that i don't have, but i would starve if it meant she gets to live a long healthy life. i want to leave this town. tiny small city that has kept me trapped for as long as i've lived, but i don't know where to go. anywhere i guess. i just hope in the end it's all worth it. it has to have all been for something.