I have no idea. It all just came crashing down into this moment. School, socially, people, myself, my health, anger, frustration, hatred, nervousness, stress. What if it's not real? What if my emotions were caused by a completely different source? Am I hormonal or something? It feels so wrong to be questioning whether or not my feelings are valid. The kid shows always say that, "all emotions are real." But what if they're not? This stupid test... it's been a fucking week and I'm still on part 1. These fuck ass APWH grades, I've never gotten anything below a C. English too? Get me out of here. This endless cycle of school, practice, homework, eat, sleep, and repeat. Why am I still going? I keep asking myself that. I'm not suicidal or anything but I like the feeling of pain, the type that leaves a mark, that brings my vision up to par. But it's not self harm. It doesn't leave a scar. Never has and I never will. When will this cycle break?