sometimes I wish I didnt have any friends. I know its selfish, and its a terrible thing to say. I just wish I didnt have to worry about it constantly, because I'm always worried if I'm not giving them enough attention or if they hate me, and I'm always checking up on them to make sure that their doing ok but none of them ever do that for me. And my friends are great people, they just dont really.. Care? I guess? I've never actually been checked up on and no one has ever asked me if I was ok and actually meant something behind it. Its always sarcastic or their just joking. So if I actually want to vent, I just have to suck it up or just joke about it. And half of my friends are suicidal, so if i express that I'm sad, they'll think they can't vent to me, And they'll just suffer in silence. so I actually HAVE to not express my real emotions. I have to be the happy upbeat friend that's open to talk to all the damn time.