I just want to love who I love. I have friends who do crude things that border on assault to me, and although it's a normal thing they do to each other, it's so weird to me. They don't know my sexuality, only a few of my friends and sister. When I had my first breakup, I cried to myself, knowing that if anyone else found out, even worse things would happen to me. Not being able to tell anyone who I loved, not being able to hold hands with them like I see in the hallways so much, being scared to make physically contact with anyone out of repulsion for what happens so much to me.