I feel like a disappointment and just overall lazy because I can’t satisfy my mother completely and I want to fit into everyone’s expectations and I can’t stop, I’m always on my devices but because it’s one to the only ways I can be me but my mother wants me to get off and be more productive, but I can’t and I feel so lazy and I hate it I hate it so fucking much. I just always lie that I’m okay to my family but I’m fucking not and I yearn for someone to actually understand other than my best friends. I think about death almost everyday and other unhealthy things and I just can’t stop, the internet and strangers know better about me more than my parents and I fucking hate it. If I act more up to my parent’s expectations I’m leaving behind online friends and myself but if I keep acting like me I’ll keep being lazy. I overthink about what everyone thinks about me everyday and I hate it. I can never feel like myself. “Be yourself” but I can’t. I fucking can’t.